


What We Do in the Resistance

by AgentMaryMargaretSkitz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Crack Treated Seriously, Familiars, I don't even know what I created
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24271300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentMaryMargaretSkitz/pseuds/AgentMaryMargaretSkitz
Summary: Rey, Finn, Poe, and Ben get notified of a visit from the General from the Vampire Resistance.(A Star Wars What We Do in the Shadows AU)
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Finn/Rey (Star Wars)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	What We Do in the Resistance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hanorganaas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanorganaas/gifts).



> Happy birthday to Nor! I almost did a Lunar Chronicles AU with Hanleia, but then I saw the latest What We Do in the Shadows and this idea hit me. I'm sorry it isn't Han getting pegged, but I hope it still makes you laugh!
> 
> (Italics are meant to represent one on one interviews)

There was a stack of mail on the table when Rey came back from the weapons room. She must have missed it when she went to go and polish her collection of staves after waking up. Yesterday, their familiar had forgotten the mail so there was much more of it today. Mostly boring old human junk that they never had any use for, or that their familiar just took care of.

Rey glided into the sitting room where her compatriots were. Finn’s coffin had been empty when she awoke this evening, so it made sense for him to be there. Poe was also in the room with him. Both of them were hunched on the table, working on building another model aircraft. In his vampiric life, Poe had become quite fond of building planes and such. He had a whole room upstairs full of the models he had been constructing since they first moved into this house.

“Hux remembered the mail today,” Rey said, flopping onto the couch. “There’s a lot of it.”

“Has another package come for me?” Poe asked, an eager glint in his eyes. “I’ve almost finished this one.”

“You ordered it yesterday,” Finn reminded him. “It’s going to arrive in three days.”

“I thought we had the two-day shipping?”

“No, we were running out of money,” Rey sighed and leaned against Finn, flipping through the mail. “Bill, bill, coupons for the store, bill, bill- oh, there’s a mattress store opening.”

“Unless they customize for coffins, not interested,” Poe muttered. “Can we have Hux go in the daylight and ask them then?”

“Ask him. There’s another bill, and…oh.”

Finn turned to her. “Oh?”

Rey held up an ivory colored envelope. It was addressed to their residence in blood red ink with the sender’s address located in California. She didn’t even have to turn it over to see the seal to know who it was from. The Vampire Resistance wanted to notify them about something.

Finn’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Do they have an assignment for us?” Poe leaned forward in his chair. “But that means we’re going to have to get Ben up here.”

“Not doing that,” Finn shook his head.

Poe rose to his feet. “I’ll go wake Hux and have him do it. Ben seems to actually like him.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Rey leaned a little more into Finn. “We’ll wait for you.”

* * *

_“I became a vampire almost one hundred years ago. During my mortal life, I was alone for almost all of it. Living off scraps, selling junk I could find for money. I never really had any sort of home. It sounds worse than it was. Still it was pretty bad.”_

_“Then, one day, I was hunting in a scrapyard for something to sell and found an old brooch. I planned to sell it the following day, but I was followed home and bitten. It was a vampire, who turned me as punishment for stealing. I had to pay off my crime by working for him, collecting stolen items. Then Finn came along, newly turned. He said he was with the Vampire Resistance, where there were others like us. I went along with him in search of it. Finn was my first friend…and my first love.”_

* * *

Finn was pacing around as they waited for the fourth member of the house to arrive. “Should it be taking this long for Hux to get Ben out of the basement?”

Rey shrugged. “Could he be trying to drain him again?”

“I’ve been hearing a lot of thumping down there at times,” Poe muttered under his breath.

Rey shuddered.

“Oh, come on, I’ve heard you and Finn-”

“Do NOT finish that sentence!”

“Rey and Finn have been what?”

All three vampires startled and hissed in reaction to the sudden arrival. Ben had an unfortunate habit of sneaking up on them in the house. He’d started it in the last few years and it was really starting to get on everybody’s nerves. Hopefully, this letter from the Resistance could kick him out of that. At least Poe hoped it would.

“Ben-”

“It’s Kylo Ren,” the dark-haired vampire corrected as he glided across the floor in his black robes. “Why have I been summoned from my lair?”

“We summoned you from your _room_ because the Vampire Resistance has sent us a letter,” Finn held up the letter that Rey had given him. “And we should all be present to hear it.”

“Including me?” Hux, their familiar, asked from where he was standing by the doorway.

Rey was about to say something, but Ben just nodded. “Yes, please stay, Armitage.”

Hux smiled to himself and scooted in the room a little further.

Finn handed to the envelope over to Poe. “You do the honors.”

“I still don’t understand why this has to exist,” Ben muttered from his seat. “Why do we need a system of rules about our containment? As soon as the humans die off, so do we.”

“Because some vampires need to be kept in check from draining or turning whole cities,” Poe reminded him as he cracked the seal on the envelope. “Ah, here we are.”

“Who’s it from?” Finn asked at the same time Rey asked. “What does it say?”

“Give me a second, it’s parchment!” Poe fussed as he unfolded the letter. “To the vampiric residents in Albany. We hope you are all in good health. This letter is being sent to inform you that despite no contact for three decades, we are still monitoring your situation on the East Coast. Within a week of sending this, the General will be arriving in New York by train to come and see how you are all doing with your monitoring of the vampire population. Please make the proper preparations for her arrival. She is looking forward to seeing you. Signed, the Council of the Vampire Resistance.”

Finn looked happy. “The General’s coming? That should be fun. It’ll be nice to have another vampire out here.”

Ben stood up. “I’m going back to my lair. No one disturb me.”

The trio and Hux watched as Ben glided out of the room, heading towards the weapons room first. They watched him glide down the stairs to the basement with a broadsword. A few moments later, there was screaming and shouting. The noise of something breaking followed after that. Rey, Finn, and Poe waited for more, but nothing more came.

“He’s taking the news well,” Rey remarked sarcastically.

Finn glanced at her. “You think?”

“Why would he be taking things so-”

Hux trailed off as Ben came up from the basement, broadsword in hand.

“Armitage,” he panted. “I am going to need a new coffin.”

* * *

_“The General is Ben’s mother. Biologically. It’s a little strange with his family. They were descended from a lineage of vampire hunters. His parents, his uncle, himself. They all stumbled upon a nest one day and it was too much. Every single one of them was turned.”_

_“They could have all become bloodthirsty killers. Instead, they formed the Vampire Resistance to keep vampires in check. Protect the balance between the human world and the one of the vampires. Leia, Ben’s mother, found me not long after I turned and gave me a new purpose with this eternal life. And then I found Finn and tried to bring him to her. But that got complicated. He still found her in the end. With Rey.”_

_“Ben has a difficult time with his family. He’s struggled most with the code and butted heads with both of his parents about it. Also, he seems to be going through a weird phase the last few years. He’s calling it his…Elmo phase. That’s what the humans call it, right?”_

* * *

They only had one more day to prepare for the General’s arrival. Ben had been playing loud music in the basement for most of it, still moody about the letter. Hux had gone to the mattress store yesterday at Rey’s request to see if they could get a specialized order. Fortunately, they could, so that was some good news. Poe had been rearranging the art a little to freshen up their house and Rey had taken to polishing all the weapons.

It was Finn’s turn to go shopping this week and had taken the familiar with them. They needed more cleaning products and some detergent. There was also a list of things to get for the General. Everyone wanted things to be perfect for her arrival. It had been years since they had last seen her.

“So you’ve met the General before?” Hux asked as they headed up the cleaning supply aisle. “What’s she like?”

“The greatest woman ever if she became a vampire,” Finn told him. “She’s the one brought us all together.”

“And she’s Ren’s mother.”

“You have got to stop calling him that,” he groaned, tossing in some bleach wipes and Tide pens into the basket. “It’s really getting to his head. What’s next on the list?”

Hux looked down at the scrap of paper. “Glitter. Is that right?”

“Yep. Have you contacted the blood bank yet?”

“Blood bank?”

Finn frowned as they headed towards the craft supplies. “Where else do you think we’re going to get our blood?”

“Ren- er, Ben told us to get virgins for this. I set up a thing on the Internet-”

“NO!” Finn hissed at the human. “Take it down immediately! We don’t do that!”

“But-”

“No buts. The virgin thing is garbage. We protect the balance not just by keeping vampires in check, but by taking as few lives as possible. So, take. It. Down.”

The familiar didn’t look pleased, but nodded. “I’ll do it when we get back. So how much glitter are we getting?”

Finn looked at the selection and its colors. “All of it.”

* * *

_“No, no, I was not turned by the General. Or Poe. I was actually trained as a sort of soldier for a vampire. He wanted an army and I fell for a scheme. But then there was a revolt- Poe started it, he was a plant. He got me out of there and was going to get me to the Resistance. Then we got separated and I was on my own for a while before I met Rey.”_

_“You know when you meet someone and just feel a spark, like an instant connection. That’s what I felt with Rey. She’s incredible and brave and strong, even when she’s scared. When we were trying to find the Resistance, she was the strong one, not me. We got there together, and had a few years working for the General before she sent us out here with Poe and Ben. I’m lucky to spend every minute of this life with her.”_

_“No, Hux is not my familiar. Ben is technically his master, but he does stuff for us too. We treat him a lot better than most vampires usually treat their familiars. Between you and me though, I don’t trust the guy. He was trying to get virgins online for us. Ben won’t let him go though.”_

* * *

Thankfully, the train the General was arriving on arrived at nightfall. Hux had rented a truck that they all piled into. The familiar was driving with Ben in the front seat. Finn was in the back, between Rey and Poe. It was a quiet ride to the train station since Finn had stolen the aux cord that Ben could have used to play his terrible music. They were really going to have to do something to snap him out of this funk sooner opposed to later.

Once they arrived at the station, Ben and Poe went to collect the crate containing the General as Hux, Finn, and Rey worked together to sign for it. Not having a heartbeat made it difficult for them to sign on the tablet, so Hux took care of it. They loaded the crate and headed back to the house, once again in total silence. There was still enough time to visit with her before the sun came up with the time they were making.

“Everything’s ready inside, right?” Rey asked as they got back to the house and were transporting the crate inside. “Hold that door, Poe.”

“The crate is holding it,” he called back. “And yes, Finn got everything ready. You did, didn’t you?”

“It’s all there,” Finn confirmed as they moved forward, bumping a table along the way and causing a vase to fall. “Oh, no!”

“It’s fine, it was a fake!” Rey assured him. “Ben, will you please lift your end!”

“I am lifting! And that was not a fake!”

“I used to collect junk, I know a fake from the real deal! Lift more!”

“Augh!” Ben yelled as Hux shut the door on his cape. “Armitage, open the damn door! And what is that smell?”

“I ordered candles online.”

Finn looked betrayed. “Rey, I was at the store last night!”

“But these are better! I haven’t even lit them yet and they already smell good.”

“Hey!” Poe shouted, shutting them all up. “We still have to get the General to her room. We can’t do that if we’re standing around and bickering about who’s lifting and buying candles!”

* * *

_“So maybe I am little rebellious. Maybe I do want to eat a virgin to two. Maybe I am sleeping with my familiar. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think so.”_

_…….._

_“Can you edit out that part about Armitage?”_

* * *

The casket opened slowly as the members of the household watched. Once the occupant inside was visible to everyone, she opened her eyes and smiled. She looked out at all of them before stepping out onto the glitter covered floorboards. Her eyes took in the quarters they had put her coffin in. The walls had been painted purple with a few bits of glitter that must have gotten caught in the paint job.

Ahead of her were the vampires she had come to visit. Finn was still wearing that old bomber jacket that Poe had given to him ages ago. Rey looked happier and more at ease that she had ever seen her. Poe hadn’t changed a bit, so something stayed the same. Standing in the corner was a scrawny looking redhead who couldn’t stop making eyes at her son. And speaking of Ben, what the hell was the deal with those black robes?

“Welcome, General,” Poe greeted. “It’s good to see you again.

“It’s good to see you too. And I’ve told you to call me Leia. None of that General nonsense the Resistance has.”

Rey stepped forward; arms held out from her side hesitantly. Leia knew the girl had been through a lot even before becoming a vampire. and walked the rest of the way, holding her for a moment in a hug.

“Hi again,” Finn waved as Rey stepped back. “It’s been a while.”

“It has,” Leia agreed, turning to her son. “Ben?”

“Mother.”

“Why the black robes? You can wear whatever you want, it’s the twenty-first century.”

“I happen to like them. And so does Armitage.”

He must have been referring to the redhead who was smiling to himself. Leia gave him a nod. “So he’s the familiar?”

“Yes, Mother.”

Leia turned to him and gave him her most polite smile. She wasn’t sure she liked him yet. There was something about him that gave her a bad feeling. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“You too, General.”

“I trust they’re all treating you well?”

“They are.”

Leia gave a nod of approval. “If they aren’t, I’ll make sure of it while I’m here. And I’ll be here quite a while.”

Poe’s eyes lit up. “You will?”

“I will. I haven’t seen much of the East Coast. Besides, my brother is up here in Pennsylvania coaching volleyball for some reason. I figured now would be a good time to visit.”

* * *

_“I probably should have said that in the letter. But I thought it would be a nice surprise. Besides, they’re all good. I’d like to find out what my brother’s gotten up to. He went to go collect a debt and now he’s in Pennsylvania!”_

* * *

_“I can’t believe my mother is moving in with us.”_

* * *

_“Leia is living above her son’s room.”_

_“She’s going to find out he’s screwing his familiar.”_

_“Basically, he’s fucked.”_

_“Fucked.”_

**Author's Note:**

> They all absolutely go to a volleyball game.
> 
> Hope this was a fun read!


End file.
